When You Try To Break An Ikea Table Pro Wrestling-Style And The Table Breaks You

Listen, I’m not a (Chris Farley air quotes) “smart person” and I can’t ever be confused for “a scientist” or even somebody with a “high IQ”.  But even I’m smart enough to know that there’s no way slamming your body into a table like that is gonna make it break.  You’re just asking to smash your shoulder into a thousand pieces.  Get me drunk enough and I’d probably try it but maybe not even then.  The base is just too damn sturdy. I appreciate the effort though.  And if the kid knew he wasn’t gonna be able to break the table than I respect him even more.  Anything for a laugh.